Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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