to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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