I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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