like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
