i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
