I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
