i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
