This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
