I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
