I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
