Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
