Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
