that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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