Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
