I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
