As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
