everyone is single if you try hard enough
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
