Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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