I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
