even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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