Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
