Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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