He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
