There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
there is puke in my bra ... again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
