Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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