Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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