are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
