Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
