Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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