I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
