Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
