I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
