He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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