in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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