Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
