Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
