he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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