I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think people are normalizing furries
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
