if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
