He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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