so let's talk penis.
the day after is always just damage control
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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