The maid of honor just puked.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
