if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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