Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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