Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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