I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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