and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I fill condoms, not promises.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
