whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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