what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
