I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
