He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When did angry sex become our thing?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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